Wednesday, February 6, 2019
The last few days have been pretty... rough. I have been in a horrible funk and haven't figured out how to dig myself out.
It started Friday... and I just continued to sink lower and lower into a deep dark depression. Saturday, I literally stayed in my jammies until 6 when we HAD to go out. Sunday, I forced myself to get ready and go to church, thinking it would help - it did for the moment. Sunday night, I sang with my parents at church - that really helped for the moment - and then went back to my in-law's for family night and Super Bowl. Monday, I cried all the way to work, and then all the way home. Tuesday was pretty much the same way...
This brings me to today. Why am I spilling my guts about my 5 day depression? Because adulting is messy. I am not perfect, and I never want to pretend to be! I want YOU to know that if you ever feel the same or are currently feeling the same way, you are not alone.
Yes, I know how desperately hard it is to get out of your own head space - especially when the thoughts are getting darker and darker with each passing minute. I know it's even harder to put a smile on your face when you feel anything but smiley.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You DO matter! Your feelings ARE important!
I want this blog to be a safe place - where you feel comfortable to speak your mind, share your thoughts/feelings, where you don't feel alone. So... how can we connect? How can we interact?
I woke up this morning feeling better. Not 100%, but better. I put makeup on for the first time this morning. I put on one of my new necklaces with the outfit that I particularly bought the piece for. When I looked in the mirror, for the first time in a REALLY long time, I liked what I saw!!
Today, tell yourself to stay beautiful. Say it in whatever way you can to make yourself feel better, or alive in the moment! Tomorrow may not be like this, but for today - I AM BEAUTIFUL!
Have a Wednesday as AWESOME as you are!!
PS - If you want to view some of the jewelry that I have become obsessed with (thanks to my cousin!!!!) or if you want to chat makeup with my sister, let me know! I will hook you up and tag you where necessary :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
So... It's cold :( Woke up this morning to temps around -4 degrees...
I haven't been the best about blogging - obviously, since it has been about a month since I have graced you with my written words.
Diana is 9 months old now! She weighs 18 pounds, and is 28 inches long!! She is crawling all over the place, pulling up on everything, trying to hang on things (like a tv tray at my mom's house...). Still sleeping through the night, which is completely awesome. And she has started trying new foods. Mostly purees because I am a nervous momma, but she loves puffs and is a really good eater!
If you follow me on facebook, then you noticed that today I posted a ridiculously vague post about changes for me. Let me clarify and be perfectly blunt - I AM NOT PREGNANT. I DO NOT WANT TO BE PREGNANT. WE ARE NOT PLANNING TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN.
I don't mean to yell, but I am just putting this out there to cut out some questions... I will dive deeper in a later post, but Diana is it.
The changes I am referring to are kind of hard for me to put into words. Since Diana was born, I have really started to come in to being a different person. I have never been one to care about fashion, or jewelry, or makeup, or really anything one might consider "girly". At all. I don't know how to braid, I don't own a straightener (or even a blow dryer for that matter) I barely know how to put on the tiny bit of makeup I own.
And then along comes 2019. I started to think about things differently. I pretty much shop at Torrid or Target, but most of my clothes come from Torrid. Long story short, until a few years ago I HATED shopping. To the point of having a panic attack in the middle of stores...
And then Torrid - again, this is a post for a different day. I walked in and they treated me so kindly, and they even noticed when I started to get a little panicky and took their time with me. Now, they all know me, Brandon, AND Diana by name. I highly recommend them!!
When we shopped a couple weeks ago, something inside told me to try a different color and look... when I tried it on, I LOVED IT!! It was a pink and mauve sweater... very NOT me. But I loved the way I looked. Which led me to start thinking about makeup, which also led me to start thinking about accessories/jewelry.
My sister in law is starting to sell Mary Kay - that takes care of my wanting to TRY makeup (not sure I have the time to devote to putting a face on every single day...)
My cousin introduced me to Paparazzi Accessories - each piece is only $5 each!! I have a couple pieces on the way to me to try it out.
So... the changes of 2019 are coming and they are helping me feel beautiful in my skin. I do have instagram, and will do my best to post pics of the changes as they happen :)
Thank you for loving me, and allowing me to stretch my legs - so to speak.
Love you, and love yourself!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Well... I made it 22 days of my challenge... right? That counts for something!!
I have to really give a shout out to the parents who deal with a no sleeping baby... Diana has hit something called "the 8 month sleep regression" meaning she has decided that sleep is completely overrated and refuses to do so.
Saturday afternoon she napped quite a bit (I may have been napping with her, but this isn't about me!!) and Sunday was too cold to do anything but stay in bed and cuddle for most of the day... So I wasn't too terribly shocked when she didn't want to sleep. I tried everything - her routine, another bottle, singing and rocking, rocking and no singing... I even tried my last resort which is putting her in her bed with her mobile on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't - at 1am I was willing to try anything.
I finally caved and brought Diana to bed with us - we do NOT co sleep... that is a habit that does not work for us personally. No offense to those who do, parenting techniques work for some but not all... but this momma needed sleep for work the next day.
I hoped that her lack of sleep would cause her to sleep Monday night... boy was I ever wrong!! Since I didn't have my partner in parenting (Brandon had to work...) she again ended up in bed with me. Every time I moved, her eyes popped open... Was she cold? Nope. Was she hungry? Nope. She just had zero plans of sleeping Monday night.
Tuesday night, we changed our whole approach. We played with her, laughed with her... and didn't let her take an evening nap! by 8:30, she was in a fleece sleep sack, covered in night time lotion, and her eyes were starting to get heavy!! She slept through the night!!! WHEW!!
Now, I know that this is not that big of a deal compared to what other parents have to handle on a nightly basis... We know very well how blessed we are with a babe who sleeps for more than 2 hours at a time. This was just completely out of character for her!
So, with 8 teeth coming in (yep... 8!! All at once!!) and growing like a weed, we have a 2 days shy of 8 month old who has hit the 8 month sleep regression!!
Good luck mommies and daddies!!! Get some rest, and continue to be each others greatest cheerleader... We are finding that parenting is certainly difficult if you don't...