Pre 5k Jitters

In a couple of hours, I will run the first 5k since the highway 64 run!  And needless to say, I am a little anxious... I am not a runner... I am hardly a walker!!

But with some friends on tow, we WILL finish!  And once we finish, I will be riding roller coasters the same distance, at Six Flags St. Louis!  It's going to be super duper fun!  My only worry is that I won't fit on the rides... I haven't been to Six Flags in about 5 years.  And I know I have put on some weight since then.

Tonight, we had a decent hail storm come through.  So far, I haven't noticed any damage, so I am not worried.  But we decided to pull my husband's car into the garage as far as we could.  We have a 2 car garage, but we have 3 cars.  My daily, his daily, and his race car - SRT4.  He is rebuilding the engine and other things that I don't quite understand or know how to explain, so it is up on jack stands.  

I pulled my car up as far as I could, and we pulled his daily in behind mine.  And then we stood there and watched as the back end got pelted with ice... No damage that we can tell.

Once the ice turned into rain, he jumped in his car to move it back to its normal spot - out front of our house.  My job was simple... walk back in the house.  (Our garage is not attached...)

When I opened the door to head back to the house, water and ice came rushing in.  I jumped out the door, slammed it behind me... and the next thing I knew... my feet were in the air!  And somehow, my mind went straight into Judo training!!  BREAK FALL!!  I tucked my chin, and slapped the concrete once I made contact.  I didn't hit my head, I am not hurt!  Which is good, because I WILL finish both 5ks tomorrow!

I took my melatonin about an hour ago, but I think I am too worked up.  Dreamland is not coming so easily.

So, I am going to at least make an attempt at sleeping, as 5:30am is going to get here too quick!

Enjoy your Sunday!  What are YOU doing to stay active??

Sleepy Thoughts

I am so tired lately... I started taking Melatonin 10mg (under doctor supervision) and it sure is helping me sleep through the night, I have noticed.  But I still seem to get extremely sleepy around 2.  

I make it through the gym time, but when I get home I am completely useless.  I like to sleep.  I always have.  Which is why I am writing this before I go to bed!

I had Judo tonight - Not only did I do some great work tonight on perfecting a throw I also learned a new throw! - Sensei Jeremy made sure to remind me that my gi is fitting better!  I am able to tie my belt properly as well!  PROGRESS!

After the gym, we had to go to the store.  By the time we shopped, brought it all home and put it away, I was only able to sit on the couch while Brandon made dinner... Turkey dogs!

Whew!! This melatonin is starting to kick in, so I guess that is all I have for you tonight.

How are you sleeping???

I AM Doing This!!

Last night was Muay Thai training.  I am doing this!!  You can do this too!

I asked Sensei Jeremy, who was there working with a fighter to prepare for a fight, if he could take some pictures during training for me.  I have to be honest, it is really hard to hold a camera, wear boxing gloves, and train! HA!

I am a southpaw, so that is my cross

Right hook

We were doing drills that including moving our feet while throwing strikes.  Coach Sabo (the guy in the green shorts) is also a southpaw.  

Working ladder drills

Husband and Wife!  But during class, we are Orthodox vs. Southpaw

Leg kick

Body shot

We LOVE training together!  Especially because we can work on dutch drills at home, and we already have a partner!  

This is how we spend our Monday and Wednesday nights together!  And sometimes on Saturday too!  When you find something that you both enjoy, it's very easy to continue and stay motivated.

Shout out to our class for constant encouragement.  Most times, I am the only girl.  I ask them not to kill me, but don't take it easy on me either.  Thank you Coach Sabo for your constant encouragement and patience as we build our skills.

Want to join us for a class?  Contact The Hit Squad today!  

Manic Monday!!

I went to my nutritionist on Friday after work, and I have some great news!!  In the month of April, I have lost 3 inches off of my waist!!

My weight has stayed pretty steady, but she said that it could be from building some muscle.  My arms and legs are starting to look toned, so I am trying not to stress too much about the number on the scale.  And I also have to remind myself that I am NOT a number!

We watched the fights this weekend, UFC 197.  I HAD to cheer for Ovince Saint Preux, he is Haitian.  And anyone who knows me well knows my heart for Haiti.  He didn't beat Jon Jones, but he went 5 rounds!  He event spent rounds 4 & 5 with a broken arm!  He apparently blocked a leg kick...  I can't break bones with my leg kicks, but I am sure trying!

Next Sunday, I am "running" a 5k out at Six Flags!  Once I finish the run portion, I will be riding a 5k!  Meaning, I will be riding coasters to the equivalent of 3.1 miles.  We get medals and t shirts.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate.  It won't be much fun doing this in the rain...

Have a great Monday!  It's the first day of the work week, but it's not too late to change your life!

"Rowdy" Reagan Johnson

When I finally worked up the nerve to start taking Judo in February, I was introduced to Reagan Johnson.  (She is in the pink judogi)  In this picture, from left to right, is Sensei George Stanich, "Rowdy" Reagan Johnson, and Sensei Jeremy Johnson.  Jeremy is Reagan's dad, the Commentator for Shamrock FC, and Radio Host of That MMA Show

Reagan is only 15 years old!  She started training Judo at the age of 10, with her brother Mikey.  Her home gym is at The Hit Squad located in Granite City, IL.  And is currently a student at Triad High School in Troy, IL.

She has always been involved in sports, such as soccer and softball.  But she is now focusing on her MMA and Judo career.

2014 Tennessee State Championship - First Competition

  How did you get into Judo?

My little brother actually started a while before I did. I decided to go one day and watch and tried it out and instantly fell in love with the sport and have been with it ever since. 

Reagan and Mikey Johnson

  What is your biggest accomplishment?

I ranked 6th in the country in 2014-2015. 

  What would be your ultimate achievement?

Olympic gold medal 

  What is your biggest challenge, and how do you manage the challenge?

My biggest challenge would probably be [that] I can get very nervous about everything and I tend to worry about a lot. I manage this by just trying to relax and tell myself I can do anything that I can set my mind too. 

  Do you have a motto that you live by?

Train like you've never won a match in your life, and fight like you've never lost one. 

  Who is your biggest inspiration?

My biggest inspiration would probably be Ronda Rousey. She's an amazing athlete and an extremely nice person. When I got to meet her she was happy to take pictures and sign autographs for anyone that asked. 

  What is your diet like?

Chicken... Lots of chicken and veggies. 

  What was the best advice you were ever given?

The same [as] the motto. Told to me by coach George, train like you've never won a match in your life, and fight like you've never lost. 

  What does it mean to YOU to be competing in the 2016 Junior Olympics?

Oh my God it's amazing, and it means I'm that one step closer to the Olympics in 2020

  What would you tell any aspiring athlete?

If you really want to be the best, be the first to show up to practice and the last to leave and give 110% every chance you get. 

2015 Junior Olympics

If you would like to contact "Rowdy" Reagan Johnson, she can be found here on her Facebook Page.

Thank you Reagan for letting all of us get to know you.  Good luck at the 2016 AAU Junion Olympic Games!

Migraine in Action

Dear God!  I would never EVER wish these things on anyone!  EVER!

I have had migraines off and on since high school.  At first, I thought it was me back, but I had regular adjustments with a chiropractor - I have 2 in my family, so that was my first choice of treatment.  Even with regular adjustments, I still had migraines.

Now, my migraines are different each time.  Sometimes I see flashes of light accompanied by blinding pain.  Sometimes I get nose bleeds, those don't happen very often but I still get them.  Sometimes I just throw up, have blinding pain, and go to bed with an ice bag - These are the most typical.

I thought it was my wisdom teeth, since they were coming in and eventually became infected. Had them removed, and still had headaches.

I have tried everything!  Different medications, supplements, vitamins... The only thing that seems to help when they come on is sleep.  Which really gets old, when I am constantly requesting PTO for migraines at work.

Since the beginning of 2016, the only time I have seemed to get a migraine is when the barometric pressure changes... Basically, when its about to rain, I know it!  

My nutritionist has taken dairy out of my diet, for now, and I have noticed that I haven't had as many migraines lately.  While I am not saying that my diet and exercise is the cure, but I can assure you it has helped!  

So here I sit, woken up by a migraine in the middle of the night to throw up, typing out a blog post waiting for the meds to kick in so I can sleep this off.  

How do you feel today???

Judo Shenanigans!

Don't have much to talk about today...  went to Judo last night, and I learned a new throw!

I won't lie, the art of Judo is extremely interesting. Created in 1882, Judo was created in Japan as a form of grappling.  The objective:  Throw or take down an opponent to subdue with a pin, or force a submission with a choke.  The practitioner is known as a Judoka, and the uniform is a Judogi, or Gi.

I promise, there is plenty more to it than how I just described it.  But it is very cool, when done properly.  I think I look like a crazy person... but my Sensei said I was doing great!

Ronda Rousey is a Judoka that most people know.  Her mother was also a trained Judoka!  I will let the video speak for her...

I don't know how to do any of those yet, but I am also just starting out.  I have to be honest with you, while I may look silly and I may have a hard time keeping up with some of the other students, I know that with time I will get better!  I already feel some core strength (read, aches and pains) in places that I didn't know I was using.  

My Sensei and classmates are incredible people!  They are patient with me (I ask a lot of questions) critique without being harsh (I do things wrong most of the time) and they do not let me quit!  They are all incredibly encouraging!

If you are worried that you will look silly - I STILL can't hardly do a somersault - you will!  But you will improve and look great eventually!  The hardest step is the first step onto the mat, the rest is a piece of cake! You even get to learn some words and phrases in Japanese!

Later this week, Friday perhaps, I will be posting an interview with Rowdy Reagan Johnson, who is in my class and is heading to Texas this year to compete in the Junior Olympics!   

Choices

Last night, my work team went to a Cardinal's baseball game together.  And I won't lie... it was tough!

Baseball and hotdogs usually go hand in hand!  Or nachos.  Or pretzel and cheese.  Or cotton candy.  I could go on and on!

When we got into the stadium, I immediately knew it was time to choose.  And I probably could have done better.  I could have gotten a grilled chicken sandwich.  But instead, I got a hotdog and fries.  I could barely finish my food.  And I did enjoy some nachos, without cheese.

It got me to thinking... What could I have done to make my choices a bit easier on myself?  Well, I could have taken fresh fruit and veggies.  I could have eaten a salad before we went.  But I also made some great choices!

I didn't eat pizza, or popcorn, or pretzels, or many other items.  I did the best I could with what I have.

That is what it is all about, making the best choices with what you have.

Tonight is Judo, and time for me to get serious.  17 months is going to get here quick!

Motivation Monday!!!

It certainly comes down to this:  HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?!

I met with my nutritionist on Friday, like I do, and she asked me a very simple question:  What are your 5 reasons for all of "this"? - "This" being getting my weight down, training MMA, that kind of "this"

My answers were simple, and in this order:

I WANT kids - and being told by my doctor that in order to have them, I must lose weight
I want to be able to care for, raise, and play with my kids properly - can't run and play with them if I am out of breath every few steps.
I want to be around for a long time, watch them grow up, and do grown up things - can't do that if my weight, and the other health problems that come with being heavy, take me out first (morbid, I know...)
I am tired of feeling like I "can't" - Can't what?  Well... can't hardly do anything!
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin - Enough said...

A youtuber that I follow said something like this "It's hard to feel comfortable in your own skin, when you actually feel like you are carrying a wet orangutan wrapped around you"  and I know that feeling to!

But today is a brand new day!  You don't have to feel that way anymore!

Today, rather than take the elevator to the next floor, take the stairs!  Park a little farther away from the store and walk those extra steps in.  I promise, it won't hurt too much.  Order more veggies on your subway sandwich and hold the cheese today.  That certainly doesn't hurt.

I know that my goal of being fight ready in 18 months (now 17) is kind of silly and maybe even out of reach, but it is still a realistic goal if I want it bad enough.  I don't want fame, I don't want fortune, I am not crazy enough to believe I will ever step into the cage with the likes of  Holly Holm or Ronda Rousey.

But I do expect to give my best.  Honest moment - I haven't been lately.  But like I said early, today is a brand new day!

Need more motivation??  Check out this really neat video about the Ironman Triathlon - Swim 2.4 miles, Bike 112 miles, and Run 26.2 miles - Totaling 140.6 miles.  Oh, did I mention there is a time limit?  If this doesn't motivate you, I am not sure what will!

Keep going!!  You got this!

Fabulous Friday Funnies!!

So, it's Friday!! And it's time to get a little silly! I had to share some funnies, cause while healthy living is important, it is also important to have a sense of humor.

I don't have much for today... so... have a great weekend!

Stay tuned for a great interview with Junior Olympian - "Rowdy" Reagan Johnson!  I don't want to give too much away, but she is heading off to Texas in July to bring home some GOLD!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Feelings... Whoa Whoa Feelings!

Yesterday was kind of weird.  Between all the feels of hearing about someone being fat shamed... in her gym of all places, to bringing up my own issues... it made yesterday feel kind of weird.

We had muay thai last night, which I haven't really gotten to explain, I don't think.

Muay Thai is basically Thai kickboxing.  You get to kick and punch, but you also get to use your knees and elbows!

So, we go to class last night, and I am frustrated with the fat shaming... The first drill we do is leg kick drills, and while Brandon told me that it didn't feel like I was kicking as hard as I normally do, I was trying to get my frustration out.  And I did accomplish something last night!  I actually landed body kicks!

My hips are not flexible.  Yes, I need yoga.  No, I am not doing yoga at home (but I want to, any youtube suggestions?)  I don't know if it was my frustration levels, the thought that I needed to prove to the fat shamers that they are liars/jerks/jokes/whatevers, or if I am actually just making progress.

After about 20 minutes of leg kick drills, we started with dutch drills.  A quick explanation of dutch drills is this:  You have gloves, I have gloves, aim for each others gloves - giving only about 10-20% of your throws (we don't wear mouth guards yet, not ready to lose my teeth...)

I didn't mean to, but I gave more than that... I never did miss my partner's gloves, and he didn't say I was hitting too hard or anything (we are all very open with that, so we don't get hurt)  But I was frustrated.  I hit harder than my 10-20%.

This got me to thinking... Why do I take things so personally?  My parents have told me that I have always been that way.  That I have always wanted to be the protector and always stood up for the underdog.  But, that right there is what landed me in therapy and on medication a few years ago.

Without going in to it, because I am just not ready yet, I had a mental break down.  My parents were called to my house, and found me in a state that I don't think they have ever seen me in.  I ended up in therapy.

Once I began to trust the process, I actually started to accept the help that I desperately needed!  Before, I thought that the things I was doing to self medicate were helping, now I know and understand that I needed professional help - now I recommend therapy to EVERYONE!!

I made a comment today on facebook that went something like this:  Isn't it wonderful when you find the version of therapy that works for you?!

Muay thai and MMA training has become my therapy.  I can take all of my overflow of emotions to the gym and leave it all on the mat!  I feel lifted up by my gym mates, my husband and I get to enjoy time together doing something GOOD for us, and I leave feeling like a brand new person!

What do you do to keep your emotions in check??

Fat Shaming... or This Might Sting a Little

I posted this meme last night on Facebook, and a comment I have received has blown my mind! A friend of a friend was fat shamed so horribly at her gym, she may never go back.  When I read that, I became so angry!

Us big girls already KNOW how large we are!  We don't need other people to point it out.  And while I agree that a season of change is happening in the world, where it is now OK to love yourself no matter your shape or size, it is still devastating to be reminded of our fat.

Trust me, I know without a doubt that I will never be as small as I was in high school.  I am reminded every day when I look in the mirror.  Thank you to my husband, for reminding me every day that I am more than my fat!  I am smart, beautiful, talented, have a heart for people, and I am his favorite person in the whole world.

He was just telling me this morning that he missed me while he was at work last night.  He was telling me this morning how thankful he is that I made it through my breakdown, and that God led our paths straight into each other.

I know what it is like to be directly and indirectly fat shamed.  My grandmother was in the business of reminding people of their faults, while completely ignoring her own.  If you didn't finish your dinner at her house, that was fine... She would just grab you by the nose and shove it down your throat.  I could go on and on about the things that she did.  Thankfully, some of my cousins blocked her out, and some of my other cousins never had to experience her at all!  She would remind me and my cousin of how fat we were, how we shouldn't eat to much, and that we would never amount to anything.  She did the same thing to my mom... My mom amounted to something!  She is MY MOM!  I know me, and I know the crap I did growing up... It takes courage to be MY mom!  I am amounting to something too!  I don't know what yet, but in the eyes of my husband, I am everything... So I guess, we showed her, didn't we Mom?

Fat shaming is all over the entertainment industry as well!  A prime example: the beloved show Friends!  While I consider this one of the absolute best shows on TV, they sure did make a point to make Fat Monica out to be a complete laughing stock.  When they would show flashbacks, she would be constantly eating.  She would be made out to be an awkward idiot, who couldn't have dreams or goals in life.  And then suddenly, when she lost her weight, she found her dream job and got married!

I am a fat girl, and I got married...  I don't think I am socially awkward... And I certainly don't think I eat all the time!  Especially now, on my new structured food plan...

Does my weight hinder me?  Sure it does!  I am planning on running (read walking) a 5k and then riding the equivalent of a 5k on the roller coasters at Six Flags St. Louis on May 1.  My weight may or may not allow me to do that!  The last time I was at Six Flags, I barely fit on some of the rides.  And that is my biggest fear, that I won't fit. But I am still going to go!  I am still going to give both 5ks my ALL.

I may be fat, and I may be out of breath when I exercise, or walk, or run, or train in Judo.  My weight is the reason I have only been to 1 jujitsu class... But I am doing my best to live healthy.

In the words of a very dear friend of mine (edited for family friendly purposes though...) I can lose the weight, but you (the fat-shamer) will always be a jerk!  

Foody Tuesday

I am really starting to understand my food addiction... Of all the things that a person could be addicted to...

But I don't think I have an addiction like what you might be thinking.  I am addicted to the sugar and the feeling of satisfied after eating the bad stuff.

So, here is where I am trying to go with this:  Last week, while on vacation, we ate like crap.  We stayed up late, slept in, and didn't eat all of the things that we should have.  We had plenty of the stuff we shouldn't have.  And we both felt it!  I started to feel bad again.  But here's the thing... I didn't want the good stuff, even though I knew it would make me feel better!

I wanted the junk!  And so now I am starting to process the "Why"  Why did I want the junk?  I am convinced its because my brain thought it tasted better.

However, yesterday for lunch, I had a salad:  leafy greens, tomatoes, onions, grilled chicken, and oil and vinegar for the dressing.  I was blown away at how great it tasted!  I couldn't get over how great it tasted!

Which got me thinking... What is put into the bad food to make us so addicted?  Is it sugar?  It is food additives?  Whatever it is, my brain craves it even though my body doesn't need it.

I am no scientist, but I have seen plenty of documentaries.  And I have to be honest, I almost don't know what to believe anymore!  Is raw milk better for you?  If so, why do states outlaw the buying and selling of raw milk?  Is the Government really swayed by the food industry?

Either way, I know the struggle is real... All I want is the bad stuff!  It's easier to get/make, it tastes good (or so my brain tells me), and I enjoy it.  But I know my body doesn't need it.

The struggle is REAL!!

What is your favorite cheat day indulgence?

Back In the Saddle - Or ReMotivation Monday!

I feel like I am starting all over today.  First day back to work after vacation, so work was basically catching up with email.  It's also the first day back on the eating and exercise plan.

We were talking last night about how we ate while on vacation... I came to this conclusion:  I do not feel emotionally bad, like I am not guilty for eating basically whatever I wanted on vacation.  But I do feel physically bad.  I can certainly tell that we ate some serious junk, but I also have come to the conclusion that my mind has been changed through all of this.

In prior attempts to get healthy, I would have just given up and decided to eat whatever I wanted.  But today, I woke up knowing I was going to eat better.  I didn't quit just because I took a vacation last week.

I am back on track, today was tough... but I am back on track!  I am not ready to quit, at least not yet!

Have you quit?  Think about your main reason for starting in the first place.  Keep that image in your mind, and get back on track.  Take it one day at a time, and do 1 thing at a time.

What are you doing to get back on track?

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What do you think so far??  Feel free to go to the Contact Shanna page and shoot me an email!

Do you have questions?  Suggestions?  Topics?  People to talk to/about?

Happy Monday!

Batman v Superman: A Nerd's Reflection

Adulting is hard... And we didn't do much of it today...

We slept in, and by in I mean until noon.  And when we finally got up and moving, it was after 2.  So, what did we do?  We went to eat at a new place in town, Steel City BBQ and it was SO GOOD!!!

And then we went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  Can I just tell you how epic this movie really is?!

First off, I have heard some people say that the movie was lame and didn't make any sense.  However, to the ultra nerd, the movie was completely perfect and made sense!  It followed some of the comics so closely, that images and even scripted lines were word for word!  For example, when Alfred gives Bruce Wayne a hard time about the wine cellar, that came straight from The Dark Knight Returns.

And some people are not too sure of the name of the film.  Why "Batman v Superman" and not Batman vs. Superman?  That's very simple.  The V in the title is an abbreviation of the latin word versus, meaning against.  The title of the film is styled the way court cases are titled.  The first person, Batman, is the claimant, and he is taking action against the defendant, Superman.  When you see the film, that will all make sense.

When did Gotham move across the bay from Metropolis?  Well, in the same respect, when did Captain America live in the same world as IronMan?  They are both in the same universe, and neither story line for either character ever specifically said where the locations were.  So the cities could have always existed next to each other.

I could go on and on... but I will spare you.

I will say this, if this is the first of MANY DC Universe movies, then consider us crazy excited.  I mean... the picture at the top of the post is our toasting glasses from our wedding reception.  He loves Batman, and I love Superman.  We are nerds, and we are proud of it.

I know this isn't a post about training, but that's ok.  Right??

Excuses, excuses

I shouldn't use our being on vacation as an excuse, but we are on vacation so things are a little...um... not on target.

I haven't gone super overboard or anything, but Sunday is cheat day right?  Well, Monday by the time we left the gym we realized that nothing was open that was healthy and we hadn't set anything out to thaw... and so... I had taco bell.

I felt terrible about it after eating, and honestly I didn't feel that great anyway.  My stomach hurt, I felt heavy, and I just knew I didn't want anymore.  At least I feel like I have made progress.

Brandon and I were talking about reasons vs. excuses.  What do you consider a reason, and what do you consider an excuse?  While I don't think that being on vacation is a good reason to purposefully eat off plan and not do what is necessary, I do feel that its a relaxing time for me.  It's my vacation, I want to relax and not have to stress.  About anything.

So, is this an excuse? Is it a reason?  If it's a reason, is it a good one?  If it's an excuse, is it a bad one?

I feel horrible that my eating plan hasn't been on par.  I feel horrible that we haven't been to the gym every night while on vacation.  But what I absolutely do NOT feel horrible about is spending quality time with my husband.

Today, Wednesday, has been the only day on vacation that we haven't spent too much time together.  I had to go with my mom to her doctor appointment, and he chose to work on his car - which he is still doing.

What is a good reason to you?  What is a bad excuse?  Are you finding reasons not to get to work on yourself?  Are you letting excuses hold you back?

One thing I know for sure, I am not quitting.  I am not giving up... I am on vacation.

Motivational Monday!

Who is ready to get back to work?  Today is our first day of vacation, and we are already off to a slow start.  The day should have started at 10... but sleeping sounded like more fun!

We have a few quick errands to run, and then we get to spring clean our yard!  Yeah for adulting!

At 5pm we HAVE to watch the news!  Our inspiration for working on ourselves is being interviewed by Channel 5 News!  Susie "MaMA Beast" Wyatt.  She is 50 years strong and... GOING PRO!!  Her first professional MMA fight is June 3rd!  We are so excited and proud to be her friends.  She trains at The Hit Squad, and her coach is also a Judo Sensei at THS.

Training has sure brought some incredible people into our lives who are turning into more like family!  They encourage us, inspire us, and most of all!!  They don't let us quit!

That's the goal though!  Not quitting!  You can't give up, you can't lose sight of your goals.

You got this!

Happy Monday!!

Sunday Reflections

Sunday is our cheat day, its also the day we go to church!  I play the guitar on the praise and worship team.  Sometimes I sing too, if my voice is up to it.

Today was kind of emotional.  The praise team has practice before service, so I got there kind of early.  One of the other team members is a good friend of mine. We ended up talking about pregnancy and timing... which has been a difficult topic of conversation for me.  A year ago in May, my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS - Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

One of the many side effects of this wonderful diagnonsence is obesity, hair loss, and difficult getting pregnant.  The obesity portion I am taking care of... Diet and exercise.  The hair loss... I am dealing with, but it hurts sometimes.  My hair is my crowning glory - One the few things about ME that I love!  It was thick, beautiful, and healthy!

The hardest one is the pregnancy, or lack there of.  There is a good chance that we won't even be able to get pregnant.  For some reason today, I was extra emotional about it.  Back to our conversation... We started talking about how the hardest thing to hear is "God's timing is not OUR timing" especially when it comes from people who don't really know the situation.  Yes, I firmly believe that God's timing is not mine, and I trust that it is beyond perfect.  But that doesn't mean it hurts any less.  After practice was over, I was on my way out the door when I was stopped by someone.

She stopped me and threw her arms around me.  She said "I read your comment on facebook, and wanted to let you know that we are praying for you"  She and her husband had a hard time getting pregnant, but now have a beautiful daughter!

On April 1st, my friend posted that she saw an "April Fool's fake pregnancy joke"  My comment was simple "This is my HATE for April 1st... it really hurts some of us who are trying desperately with zero results"  And that is truly how I feel about it.  We have extremely supportive parents who don't pressure us or make us feel bad, so that is nice.  And I have started opening up and sharing when people ask.  But sometimes, I wish that it wasn't even a topic of conversation...

I know people mean well when they ask when we are going to start our family, but maybe that's not the plan for us to be parents?  Maybe the plan is for us to adopt!  Maybe the plan is for us to not have children, at all.  When I was so heavily involved in missions work, I thought that there was no way I could juggle work life, marriage, working in a foreign country, AND a baby... And even now, I wonder how in the world we could juggle having a baby and keeping up with everything we have going on.

Do I want a baby?  More than life, but it just isn't happening right now.  And that's ok.

Today got extra emotional because we had a baby dedication this morning.  While this was going on, all I could think about was us standing there with our baby, surrounded by our family, and my heart just broke.  I am usually good about holding back the hurt, but today was just too much... I couldn't stop the tears from flowing... but I am ok.  I promise.

I don't get mad at people for asking, it's typically natural for kiddos to follow marriage.  But please know that when I respond with a "not right now" or "we are trying" please don't think I am being rude for ending the conversation quickly.  It hurts me that I have no control over this.  But I am trusting that God's plan is 10374987452095792847times better than anything we could ever come up with.

Yes, we have talked about adoption, but want to give my body some time to work or not work.  We know that our family will grow, we are just trying to be patient.

That's about all I have for today.  It's cheat day, so Easter candy has certainly been eaten today!  We also tried the Burger King angriest burger... it was ok, but I think I am getting over the addiction to crap food!  I could hardly finish the burger...  And I don't want any more! Progress!

Feel free to share comments about your struggles or non-struggles.  It's wonderful to know that us Cysters (see what I did there?) aren't alone, and that the struggle is real!  Us ladies need to support each other, even if its a "I am praying for and with you" or "I am here for an ear, and a shoulder" We got this!  Even if it isn't happening on OUR time!

Happy Sunday!  The Walking Dead finale is on in a couple hours... so enjoy!!!

Unstructured Much??

Today is a beautiful day!  A little windy, but the sun is out!  We slept in a little bit today, to the tune of 10am, which means my entire time structure is completely off!  But, not to worry... I am still keeping with the same idea of the structure, just adjusting to the time.

For example, we ate breakfast (2 egg, no cheese omelet with fresh veggies and wheat toast!) around 11:30, which pushes my lunch back to about... NOW!  3:30 :)  Which is normally my snack time.

We are going to see Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice tonight at 7:30, which would be my snack time... The trick is going to be staying on plan at the theater.  It's all about choices!

The theater has these new-fangled machines that you get to serve yourself with basically whatever soda concoction your creative mind can come up with!  BUT, it also has water options.  We usually get the carbonated no calorie flavored water.  Not sure who it is by (since its a coke machine, let's assume Dasani... but I am not sure) At first, I was a little nervous to try it.  But now, it's my go to!  

Let's face it, movies are NOT movies without popcorn and soda.  So, what choices can we make to keep on track and still enjoy ourselves?

My solution?  A small popcorn, no butter or salt, and a medium water like I described earlier.  Is that THE best choice?  Some might say Nope.  But here is the thing... I have worked hard ALL WEEK, and I am passing up the candy, sugary soda, salt, and butter.  My breakfast is on plan, my lunch will be on plan (turkey on wheat with mustard and possibly a salad if I get to it!) And when we go out to dinner after, I will also eat on plan!  

I won't lie, the struggle is real on Saturdays... I am not at work, so my time isn't as structured.  Sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we get up early.  Sometimes we have things going on, and sometimes we don't.  

This week is going to be a little bit crazy... Since we are on Staycation, my structure is going to be thrown off!  BUT what I refuse to do is go off plan, just because of timing.  I can still eat the foods on my eating plan, and still in the structured timing: Breakfast, 3 hours then lunch, 3 hours then snack, gym, and dinner.  It just won't be at the same time!  I have a feeling we will be staying up later, so it will all work out.  I am a total night owl.

Coming up in some future posts, I have the privilege to sit down with "Rowdy" Reagan Johnson, who is going to be competing in the 2016 Junior Olympics in Judo.  She trains at The Hit Squad with us!  If you have any questions, please comment below or email me!  That way, we can talk about what you guys are interested in! 

I hope you are enjoying your Saturday!

Friday Randomness!

Wow!  Friday is finally here!  It’s such a special day, especially to those of us that today signifies the weekend is around the corner!

For me, it also starts my vacation!!  We aren’t going anywhere, just hanging around the house and getting some things accomplished.  Just some spring cleaning, working on the SRT-4, and hanging out together.  I am sure plenty of movies will be seen, such as Batman v. Superman!! 

I have a couple things I want to share today, so bear with me!  I know many of you are excited about different things I said I would post today… so let me start with my exciting morning!

This is NOT an April fool’s joke, and no… Baby Loness is not making an appearance.  But something else super exciting happened this morning!

I wake up this morning, like I do… and after the bathroom (don’t worry, I will spare you that trip) I come back to the bedroom to start getting dressed.  BUT FIRST!! I pull the scale out of its resting place, and have a serious conversation with it.  It went something like this “please work with me today… don’t make this week of hard work be in vain.”  It just sat there on the floor, staring back at me.  Because, well… you know… scales have eyes!  They see the most vulnerable part of me.

Now, I am not 100% sure if I am ready to reveal the actual numbers or not… well, actually, yes I am!  I am using this blog as a journal for myself ALONG WITH accountability to my friends and family!  SO, I guess I have no choice but to reveal the numbers.

I started our journey on January 5^th at the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life… 291 and some change.  This is why we started to begin with!  The doc said that in order for me to have a baby safely, I should consider losing some weight, and finally I agreed with her…

Today, my scale looked me in the face and flashed 267.4 on its digital screen.  I was shocked, and thought Happy April Fool’s to me… I rubbed my eyes, I was still half asleep at this point, turned the bedroom lights on, and stepped on again.  The little blue light started flashing 267.4 at me again!  Just then, the hubs rounded the corner to make sure I was up… and I showed him what it said in my disbelief!  Sure enough, he confirmed 267.4!!!!!  24 pounds down and out the window!!!!!  Today is a good day, regardless of what happens!!  I still have a LONG way to go, but my gosh what an awesome way to start Friday AND vacation!!

Now, onto another topic I promised I would reveal today!  In muay thai training, we use boxing gloves and shin pads:

We don't have the head gear or the chest guard, yet...

But just like any other sports equipment, they tend to stink after a while.  Badly!  And usually what happens is that once the stink gets out of control, most people toss the gear and get new.  I am here to tell you, that can get stupid expensive!  For 2 people, we spent over $200.00 on our gear, and that doesn’t include our super awesome mouth guards, or my gi for judo and jujitsu.

Thank you to the wonderful world of Facebook, a friend of mine posted about an all-natural spray that she used on some soccer cleats that were originally not allowed in her friend’s home.  Then she shared that after 1 complete spray down, the cleats are now sitting in the living room of said house!

Being a generally skeptical person, I asked her if she was for real.  She told me that she wouldn’t share it on Facebook if it wasn’t true.  I asked her if she thought that it would work on kickboxing gear, she didn’t see why it wouldn’t.  So, I bought a bottle.

When I received the spray, I won’t lie… I was a little leery.  It was a small 8.45 ounce bottle with a spray nozzle included, and it just looked like skim milk.  I put the nozzle on, pulled out my gear and sprayed 1 spray.  It smelled amazing!  Kind of floral, but it wasn’t over powering by any means.  It smelled “clean” like when you put fresh sheets on the bed, and they smell “clean” I was hooked!  All of my gear got a good soaking, the bottle says for the first application to soak thoroughly.  I sprayed my gear bag, and I even sprayed my gi!  And then I sprayed my husband’s gear!

The ultimate test was a set of shin pads one of my coaches keeps at the gym… under the cage… because his wife refuses to allow them into the house.  I soaked them down on Monday night and put them back.  I figured smelling them immediately would probably not be wise.  After Judo last night, my coaches daughter (who had just been promoted to a BLUE BELT!! GO ROWDY GO!!) and I pulled them out and gave them a sniff test.  She was shocked!! And then ran them to her dad and shoved them in his face!  HE WAS SHOCKED!!  They smelled like shin pad, NOT STINK!! THEY SMELLED CLEAN!!

I am no expert, at all, but I am convinced that the magic in this little bottle WORKS!!  The company is Norwex, the spray is called Sportzyme, and my friend is Raechel Haas!  Yes, I am shamelessly plugging this product, because it works!  My gear smells better than brand new!  It smells clean!  Go to her website here:

raechelhaas.norwex.biz

Message her about Sportzyme and all of the other amazing products that Norwex has to offer!  They are all natural, chemical free cleaners.  I have seen some of the products in action, and I have nothing but praise for them!

So, that is all for my Friday randomness!  Let me know what you think!  I will be updated the blog site itself and adding a few things, but if you like what you see, have a story to share, or a word of encouragement, comment away!!  I love to read about other people’s goals and achievements!  Also, comment below if there is anything you would like me to review - Good or Bad.  I am willing to try and share information.