Is this week over yet?

I know I know… it’s been a couple days since I have posted anything. And I won’t make any excuses; I just haven’t felt like it. But it doesn’t help when all I have been doing is watching my eating habits a bit closer, and worked out. Same boring stuff, so why write about it? But then I think someone may need to see that it’s the same stuff over and over some times.

Well, honestly, not much has happened since last Friday… I deep cleaned my bedroom and got rid of literally a car load of stuff. I moved into my house 2 years ago in May, and some of the stuff I got rid of hadn’t been moved or touched since the day I moved in.

I also went shopping and bought new curtains for my room (again 2 years, and not a curtain in my house, except the coffee ones in the kitchen…) and a really cool rug. But my favorite purchase of the whole weekend was 4 shirts that I bought at Macy’s. Not only where they all on sale, but… THEY WERE EACH A SIZE SMALLER THAN WHAT I NORMALLY BUY!!!!

Before I started this diet, I was wearing a size 22-24 shirt or 2XL. Well, I tried on each shirt in a 2XL and asked my roommate what she thought. She thought they were too big, so she went and found 1 of each in a 1XL. They looked pretty good on me. Not perfect, but still wearable without them looking too small. They fit and I was ecstatic! They were even easy on the bank, which was fantabulous! What I don’t understand is the different between XL and 1XL… is there really a difference? I mean, really?

In training news, I am sorry to say that I did not get a workout in Friday through Monday. Why? Well, Thursday night, I went to the gym and only worked out for about 30 minutes. I just wasn’t feeling it. I felt sluggish, and almost hurt everywhere, if that makes any sense. So I told my workout buddy that I wasn’t feeling well, went and got sushi, and went home. Friday, I cleaned until almost 1 in the morning, which was a workout in itself. Saturday, got up and took everything I was getting rid of to Goodwill then headed to the mall. The mall trip should be considered a workout, it was packed! Dodging people should be an Olympic sport! (They are starting up soon! Yeah!) And while we were there, I started to get a really bad headache. So bad, that it ruined my evening plans of catching up with my friends from Riley’s. Riley’s was my first venture into the coffee business, and they are very dear friends- even though we haven’t seen each other in years! Sunday will always be my rest day, no matter what. Usually on Sundays, I stay in my jammies. But since my headache was only getting worse, I had to push my grocery/Wal-mart trip back one day.

I used my list of good foods from my trainer, and made my grocery list before I went. And I even made sure to eat so I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t go too crazy, since I will be traveling for work next week. But I did make sure I stocked up for my roomy. I usually cook for us, since I have the limited diet.

Last night was my first actual training session with my trainer. I was doing well, in my mind… until we did leg lifts on the floor. I don’t know if I was pushing myself too hard or what, but when I sat up and got up, I felt a little dizzy. I thought it would go away, so I shook it off. My trainer asked me if I ate anything before I came in, which I did. I ate yogurt, which is the wrong thing… She put me on a treadmill and from there it’s a bit hazy… She asked me if I felt dizzy, I told her yes. She pulled me off and led me to a chair. I felt really nauseas and the next thing I knew, I was puking in the bathroom. I felt like such an idiot. I can’t believe it! And the funny thing is, my trainer was not screaming at me to push or anything, I was doing all the pushing and forcing… I just pushed too hard, I guess.

So, now with a protein bar in my bag, I am going back tonight. And this time, there will be no getting sick. I will push through. I will finish! Take that, FAT!

Gosh, this is getting long… sorry. The moral of the workout story is, make sure you eat; and eat plenty. Make sure you eat the right things when you are supposed to, and make sure that if you are planning to workout, eat something that will stick in your stomach!
Until next time…

Working Out!

Ok, so I never in a million years thought I would hurt this bad after training and working out. I met with my trainer on Wednesday night, and she is totally awesome! I was afraid that I would feel awkward with being such a fat kid, but it really wasn’t that bad… I promise!


We talked about why I was there, my goals, and my eating habits. She hates the word diet almost as much as I do. We took my weight, and with my workout clothes on and my gym shoes (yes, I have a pair of shoes that are only worn at the gym) the number was 251. I figured the scale at home was off, but I am usually in less clothing when I weigh in at home… We took my measurements, which I was too embarrassed to see what numbers she wrote down. And she had me squeeze this little box thing and it scanned my insides to tell me my fat to muscle ratio and my BMI.

Now, I am no dummy. I know I carry a lot of fat on my body, but I could have cried when we looked at the number. To actually see that number, it was crushing. It was confirmation to me that my decision of losing weight and being healthy is the best I have ever made. But, damn that number was high. Since I am attempting to bare my soul to hopefully change a life or two, my body is… 43% fat. That’s far from good, like way far! But this number should encourage me to keep going, and it has. I don’t want to be 43% fat ever again.

So what did my trainer and I do? Well, she wanted to see how far I could do things, and I guess I never realized the things I could do, if provoked. She had me do pull ups, but they were modified. Rather than hang from a bar, my feet were still on the floor but I was leaning back at an angle. This kept me from using my legs to push me up, and I think I did 22 of them. I tried not to count, only because I knew that if the number was low, I would get discouraged. I did like 15 modified pushups, which I never figured was ever possible!! No sit ups though, but 16 crunchers. Then I had to do crunchers but push a bar with 5 pounds on each side up 6 inches, which was tough. I did lunges and squats, and those weren’t too bad. On top of that, I had been walking for at least 30 minutes using the weight loss program on the treadmill every night since Monday. Let me just say, my eating has been under control because my arms don’t even want to lift the fork to my mouth!

I.HURT.EVERYWHERE! And at the same time, I feel great! I didn’t know I could do all of those things. And now that I know what I can do, even if I can only do one more than last time it’s an improvement! I love improvements! I am making changes in my life by leaps and bounds! And Christy, if you are reading this, you rock my socks! Thanks for the motivation!!  I used muscles the other night I didn't even know I had!

Tuesdays with the Fat Kid

Well, I did it! I joined Club Fitness. And I have used that membership! I have gone twice now. So far, I love it. The people are very nice, and there is no pressure. Each machine has its own TV, so I took my ear buds and walked while I watched Rachel Ray. Along with my membership, I also bought 4 sessions with a personal trainer. I have the option of purchasing more sessions, but this is going to get me started.


Tonight we are meeting for the first time, and I am kind of nervous. I mean, I know she is there to help me and make sure I reach my goal in a safe and healthy manner. But I am nervous that she is going to push like Jillian. And maybe nervous isn’t the right word. I need to be pushed, I need to be motivated, and if that’s what it takes to get my butt in gear, then that’s exactly what I need.

I went last night and walked for 30 minutes using the treadmills weight loss option. It started out with a warm up and 20 minutes in I was walking at an 8 incline! I felt great!! My legs felt like Jell-o when I was done, but that went away after about a minute.

I know that results won’t be seen over night, but I am seriously considering finding pants that are a size smaller this weekend. My jeans are too big for me. I have been attempting to change my eating habits since August, and I have been doing really well, so maybe it is results- I honestly don’t know. But I hate shopping! Although, I found my favorite pair of jeans at Goodwill, so maybe I will hop over there and take a look. I can’t wait to lose the weight, but I really don’t want to buy new clothes every time I lose a size. So, I guess Goodwill and Craigslist will become my shopping for now. It’s weird, I know, but would really want to buy a new wardrobe every couple of months? I didn’t think so.

I signed up to be a part of the Bloggerhood of the Traveling Not So Fat Pants, which is a really neat internet project, started by Ex Hot Girl. Basically, a pair of pants is given to a member and that member keeps them for 2 months. In those 2 months, that person has to work on fitting into the size! Like, if you are currently wearing a size 10, you would get a size 8 for motivation to get into them! It seems really neat. It’s cool how us fat kids are trying to lose our skinny kids and helping each other in the process.

I am planning to go through my closet this weekend and get rid of stuff that is too big, keep a few things that are too small (for added motivation) and get rid of the rest. In my quest to become a better me, I also need to make things better around me. My room is a disaster, and I need to get that fixed.  I also am going shopping for a new scale. Why? Well, the one in my room says one thing, the Wii Fit says another. Which one do I believe? If I believe the lower number, then one week it could be the Fit, the next it could be the scale in my room. I know, I should just use one, but it’s nice to see results…

Until next time!

Finding Myself

My motto for 2010 is this:

“We spend all this time looking for the right person, when what we should be doing is becoming the right person”

I don’t know who wrote that, I know it wasn’t me, so sorry I can’t site it properly. But I fully claim that I did not come up with it. Kudos to whoever did, because it makes perfect sense.

How many times have we all gone on dates, or even been in a relationship with someone who we think is “MR” or “MRS” Right? I think us fellow fat kids may have a tendency to let our self image sabotage our good things. They tell us we are beautiful and what is our immediate response? “Yeah, ok? Are you blind?” Or “you have to say that you are my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife” or whatever other word you use for significant other.

I spend hours worrying about what other people think of me. Hell, I can’t even shop without experiencing a serious anxiety attack. I always think people are judging me for my weight. While I am busy looking for a top that doesn’t look like fabric from a couch straight out of 1940, other people are looking at me wondering how my fat ass made it through the door. When I suddenly realize that people are staring at me (which they probably really aren’t) I get extremely upset and leave. This is why I do not shop very often if at all. Except for shoes! A girl, no matter her size, can never have too many shoes. There is just no such thing!

And how many times have I put on an outfit and been told “that looks really good on you” but I change anyway? Countless! Don’t even get me started on not enjoying eating in front of people, even if it’s a small salad. And why do I do all of these things? Let me be honest, I do it because I am not the right person for ME. Meaning, I am not proud of my body. And everything else in my life suffers because of it. And until I start to love me, I will never find “the right person” to be with me. Does that make sense?

I want to love me before I try to let anyone else love me. I want to be comfortable with me for a change. I want to put on a new outfit and believe people when they say that it looks good. I want to stop feeling like people are judging me based on my food. And none of this will take place, in my mind, until I become the right person for myself. I am somewhere buried in this body, I promise. I was there once, but I got lost. I can hear the whispers of “you can!” and all the other good things my inner skinny kid is whispering (more like screaming) to get me there. I do think that it’s a little weird that the voice sounds a bit like Jillian Michaels though… (Yep, new role model!)

“Mr.” and “Mrs.” Right is in there, you just have to find them!

Oh Jillian...

Ok, I had heard about this DVD, but had never tried it.  I was at Walmart last night with my mom, and decided I would look at it and you know, casually check it out.  When I saw the price, I figured "what the heck?  Might as well give it a shot, and if I don't like it, I can bring it back"  I got home and decided I would watch it first to see what it was all about.  Not participate, but just take a look.  I was winded just sitting in my chair! 

So, tonight after work, I tried it.  I had my roommate get me a set of 3 pound hand weights (ya, you need those...) and when she got home with them, I started the DVD.

OH.MY.GOD!!!!!!  I got a workout alright!  This is tough.  Not so tough that its uncomfortable, but as I sit here writing this, I sure can feel that something was worked.  It was fun though.  You keep moving the whole time and do intervals of strength training, cardio, and ab work.  She does not let you rest, which is a good thing because you stay focused to finish!  What I did not realize was how heavy 3 pounds really is, until you are having to control that weight over your head.

I had considered starting the DVD and not use hand weights, but I am glad that I did.  It helps you use your muscles more to control the movement.  BUT!!  If you aren't used to doing the exercise, start with 3 pounds.  I almost made the mistake of getting 5 pound weights, yeah, not a good idea.  I liked the DVD, I urge you to try it if you want a workout that will leave you burning.

Now, my next task is to decide on which gym I want to join...  Any suggestions?  Why did you join where you joined?

I can feel the fat kid disappearing already!

Good Food and Cold Weather

So, being sick sort of has its perks.  I mean, I got on the Wii Fit scale today and it said I was down a whole pound, but I have to wonder.  Is it because I have been focusing on eating better?  Or is because for the last 2 days the last thing I have felt like doing is eat?

I really didn't eat much, because my sinuses have hated me.  I have been sleeping pretty much all the time.  I still don't feel 100% but I am holding out hope.

I did, however, feel like cooking today for some reason.  I don't know what possessed me, but I am assuming since its only 8 DEGREES (!!)  I wanted something to eat that was filling and WARM!!  So, I jumped over to one of my favorite sites, allrecipes.com  and found this little gem.  It was amazing!  If you want to make something that takes almost no time to prep and only 4 short hours to cook in the slow cooker, try this.  When we ate it, we did not need a knife to cut it up.  And it was sooooo good (if I do say so myself).

Now, for what's on the rest of the plate...  I steamed broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower (about 3 minutes in the microwave in a small pampered chef steamer) and a little bit of shredded sharp cheddar cheese.  The little strips at the top of the plate are, are you ready for this, egg plant fries!  I wasn't sure how they turned out, and I think they could have stayed in the oven a bit longer, but they were good anyway.  I halved an eggplant, took the skin off and then sliced it to the size of fry I wanted.  I put all the slices in a freezer bag with a couple glugs of olive oil (I don't measure by the way, sorry)  a few shakes of salt, pepper, and garlic powder, and shook the bag for a bit.  I preheated the oven to 450 degrees, then baked the fries for 8 minutes on each side.  Next time, I will probably try to make the slices a bit smaller and bake them a few minutes longer.

So, thanks to Mother Nature, we got a couple inches of snow.  And with the snow, I for some reason have had the worst time dealing with a sinus mung of some kind.  I don't know if it is an infection or if my sinuses are just mad at the weather change or just what.  I just know that I have not felt like doing anything except lay on my couch and snuggle under covers with a box of kleenex and my dog.  So of course, I have not worked out at all.  Unless you consider walking from couch to my bedroom exercise, which I really don't.  I will say that the few days that I used the Jillian Michael's Wii game, I was sore.  Maybe tomorrow I will get around to that review for you guys tomorrow... 

OH!  And if you haven't seen Julie and Julia I totally recommend it!  But make sure you eat first... it seriously makes me hungry every time I watch it.  It is such a good movie.

Until next time, stay warm...

I Promise

Last night on Biggest Loser, they had the contestants do their first initial weigh-in in front of everyone they knew.  None of them burst into tears until they were on the scale and their weight came up on the screen.  I would have been in tears before I even stepped on the scale.  I almost was by just thinking about how I would react if that were me.

I honestly hadn't been on a scale in years until I bought one last summer, which sat on my floor collecting dust.  But I didn't need a scale to tell me I was a fat kid.  I knew it.  I have known since I was in high school, where my favorite saying was "hey, fat kids like food!"

I have always tried to make light, no pun intended, of the situation.  I would call myself a fat kid before anyone else could.  I have found that if you joke about you before someone can make fun of yourself before anyone else can, they usually won't.  At least not to your face.  I was always the heavy person in the group, which was fine, because, again, I made jokes about it.  Sometimes I would get uncomfortable about it, but I always figured my friends loved me for who I was, weight and all.

But honestly, if I had to wear compression pants (at least that's what they look like on TV) and a sports bra and stand in front of my entire family and all of my friends, I would be a blubbering idiot before I got on the scale.  I have no one to blame for my weight; no one but myself.  My family never force fed me, and it't not their fault I didn't try to make a change sooner either.  How can the skinny friend say to the fat friend "stop eating you damn pig"?  It would ruin the friendship, even with the best intentions.

And what would I say?  (each person said something after the weight came up) Would I apologize for letting everyone down?  I doubt it, I haven't let anyone down.  There were no standards to live up to; other than being myself.  Would I apologize for letting myself get this way?  Don't know.  I am not sorry for anything I have done to get this fat.  I enjoyed the family get togethers with all of the food, I enjoyed sitting around and drinking beer all day sitting on the boat rather than swimming in the lake, and I enjoyed the company that came with those things.

I hope that I would say that I promise to change.  Not for them, but for myself.  I know being 245 pounds is for from healthy.  I know that the weight could kill me, and I don't want to put my family and friends through losing someone else way before they are supposed to.  I would ask that they support me, help me, and encourage me.  I would tell them not to blame themselves, they did nothing wrong.  It's no one's fault that I enjoy food.  I would remind them that it's not going to be easy for me, that I might want to give up, and that it might get tough- mentally and emotionally. 

So, here it goes:  I promise to start living up to my potential, to start living a lifestyle that is not going to hurt me or anyone else anymore, and to put my all into getting heathly.  I promise to become a better friend, and family member by losing the weight and leading a healthy lifestyle.  It's not going to be easy, I know this.  But with your support, my life will change; maybe yours will to.

What would you say to everyone?

food and more...

Food is my weakness.  All of it!  I am willing to try things once, and if I like them, I continue to eat them.  I love cookies, especially when my roommates mother makes THE sugar cookies!  These cookies are absolutely to die for... and I did not even attempt to restrain myself over Christmas.  I like pretty much anything, my problem is stopping.

I have no problems making dinner and then eating it all for myself.  I think it might be a family curse, no one in my family knows how to cook for anything less than an army.  And I have no problem eating enough for an army.  Most of my friends in high school ate as much as I did, so I never felt like I was over eating or pigging out when my friends weren't.  And my working out went as far as 7th hour PE and swing choir, which was no where near a Zumba class or training for a marathon.

I was never even force fed as a child or anything either.  My parents never once played the "you will finish every bite on your plate before you move" game that I hear other parents have done in the past.  If I ate, I ate.  If I didnt, then I could eat something when I got hungry.  There was always Mac-n-cheese in the pantry, Cokes in the fridge, and there was always McDonald's down the street.

Now, I have seen Supersize Me, and all it did for me was made me crave it even more.  Which is sad, the documentary is supposed to turn you off of that!  Or at least make you think about what you are eating.  I on the other hand, would stop the movie and run through the drive thru.

This does not make me a bad person; it does not make me less than human than the next person struggling with weight.  it just means that I have a bit more work to do.  It seems that my generation was raised on Happy Meals and sugar filled sodas.  This way of eating caused my gall bladder to fill with stones and have to be removed at the ripe old age of 25, which according to my surgeon is not normal.

I am no doctor, I do not have all the answers, but I know that I need to change.  I need to train myself to eat better.  Ronald the Clown is not going to magically change that Big Mac into something healthy anymore than Jillian Michaels is going to congratulate someone for being a quitter.  Hell, she doesn't seem to let up even if a person is throwing up...  Speaking of Jillian, I have her Wii game- Jillian Michaels' Fitness Ultimatum 2009.  I may not be doing the exercises correctly, because the directions aren't quite clear, but I do feel like I have done some moving around.  But I will do a better review of it a bit later.

It's not going to be easy, and I am well aware of that.  In truth, it's going to be extremely hard, probably the hardest thing I will ever do in my life.  But I am going to make it, I have to!  I want to be able to run and not feel like my lungs are going to pop.

What do you want to do?

Too cold to move

Well, I hate to disappoint on the first day, but I didn't do the run this morning.  Being in St. Louis, where the weather changes every 5 minutes, I figured it would be ok...  I woke up to my alarm at 6:30 a.m. and looked out the window.  The snow we had gotten last night was still there, but I could see the sidewalk so in my mind it had warmed up a little.  I was totoally and completely wrong!!  IT WAS 5 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!! As in 5 Degrees Farenheit!!  I looked at my dog, who was still laying in my bed, and decided she had the right idea.  She didn't even want to get up to go outside in that cold, why would I want to go run in that cold?!?!?!?!  So, I did what comes natural, I went back to bed.

I didn't get in any kind of work out, but I did however do my level best to eat right!  I made heart healthy waffles, on my new waffle iron that Santa brought me this year!  For lunch I had a pear, a green apple, and a slice of mozzarella, colby, and cheddar cheese.  I even shared a few bites with my roommate and our dogs.  Key note, dogs don't really know what to do with a bite of apple...  And for dinner, I was going to make lasagna, but seriously who waits for over an hour for dinner???  Exactly!  So, I made some whole wheat penne pasta noodles and some spaghetti sauce.  It was pretty good, and I even have some left over for tomorrow! 

Tomorrow, my plan is to get up at a decent hour and try to get in some exercising.  I have a few new things to try out, but will talk more about those later!!  Have a good night and be safe!

First Thing's First

This is me. Me=Shanna. I am using 2010 to change the things about me I am not happy with, and one of those things is my weight... I currently sit at 245 pounds. I hate it. So, I am changing it.

At the age of 24, I had my first gall bladder attack. My surgeon said to me that part of the reason I was having that problem was because of my eating habits. They consisted of pretty much McDonalds, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut. When I would cook at home for myself, it consisted of Mac-n-cheese and frozen chicken nuggets... I hardly ever ate anything that was good for me. At all. I couldn't hardly walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I was gasping for air, let alone clean my small 2 bedroom house without wanting to sit and rest for a bit.

2010, however, this will be different. I have made a few decisions on how I want to change my life, and my weight is one of those things. I want to start running, I want to start bike riding, and eventually learn to swim. Why? I would like to compete in a triathlon in the next 2 years. I would like to compete in an Ironman in the next 5 years. And to start, I am running in The First Annual Resolution Run in Troy.

http://www.stlouistrackclub.com/entry_forms/2010_01_02_ResolutionMile_entry.pdf

I will post my time... as soon as I have one!

What are triathlons and Ironman? Triathlons are a Swim/Bike/Run competition. Triathlons come in all different distances, but standard distances consist of .93 mile swim/24.8 mile bike/6.2 mile run. The Ironman, however, is 2.4 mile swim/114 mile bike/26.2 run and all completed within 17 hours. This is the ultimate test of human ability, but I will write more about that later.

Which brings me to why I am keeping a blog. Well, basically I need something to keep me in check, and this is it. I like reading what other people do on their quest to keep in shape, lose weight, and even prepare for triathlons, why wouldn't people like to read about mine? I want to reach my goals, which I am trying to be realistic about. For example, tomorrow my only goal is to finish and not finish dead last. Time is really not important to me tomorrow. But next year, I want to beat the time I will set this year.

I plan to weigh in once a week, post pictures once a month, and tell my story as I trek along. I may even post a recipe or 2.

So, welcome to the show, and enjoy the ride.

Starting numbers:

Weight: 245 pounds

Bust: 47.5 inches

Waist: 51.5 inches