Most of my posts are usually light hearted, I would even go so far as to say they might even be slightly humorous and even funny... but today's topic isn't so funny. Actually, it's down right scary.
When we started out on our pregnancy journey, so much information was thrown at me all at once. What to eat, what not to eat, how to sleep, how not to sleep... Eventually the topic of "What happens after Diana is here" came up.
The usual topics of diapers, feedings, etc. things came up. One topic that I notice was only brought up by 2 people - my doula and my OB - was Postpartum Depression. Out of all of the things that I will experience as a new mom, this one terrifies me the most. Why? Because no one EVER talks about it.
1 in 7 women (notice I did not say "New Moms" because it can happen on your first child or your 10th!) suffer from postpartum depression. Besides myself, I can name 7 other women who have either recently given birth, are currently pregnant, or will give birth within the next few weeks. This statistic shows that at the very least 1 of us will suffer... I am already so worried that it will be me, that I have already talked to my doctor about it.
A little back story - my life has always been great. I grew up with parents who, even after 38 years, are still happily married. We didn't have a TON of money growing up, but I always had what I needed and pretty much anything that I wanted. I still ended up in therapy, on medication, and even landed myself a serious drinking problem by the rip young age of 25... Depression and anxiety are no respecter of person - this disease doesn't care who you are, how old you are, or how good or bad your life is. Once it takes hold, you claw your way out.
Even now, being off my meds for a quite a few years, being out of therapy for a while, and having a pretty much fairy tale perfect life, I still have days where the depression sneaks in. There are even days when my anxiety is so bad, I chew my fingers to the bone and drive myself crazy with leg shaking, or repeated actions - sometimes even cleaning!
"Right after I had my second baby, (name redacted per anonymommy's request), is when it hit me hard! I was literally Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde!! I didn't talk to anyone, including my husband. I didn't eat or sleep. All I wanted was my two boys and everyone else could'va fallen off the face of the earth and I wouldn't have cared!! I tried my hardest to shake it. But, eventually I realized I couldn't and decided to talk to my OBGYN. She told me that I should have come in sooner and prescribed me "Happy Pills". She said that Postpartum Depression could last anywhere from 6 months up to a year. For me, it was a full year and I eventually returned to my normal self" Anonymous as requested.
"After I had Andrew (child number 3) was when I hit my super low. I struggled with depression during my pregnancy because I was on bed rest for six months. Then after I had him, it just kept getting worse. I kept thinking everyone was going to take my baby. I was a crap mom. By the time [my best friend] figured it out I was laying in bed crying all day while Lilly (oldest daughter) ate a lunchable after getting off the preschool bus daily. [She] set me up with an appointment to see a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with state 4 depression, self loathing disorder, and severe anxiety. I was put on three different medications and instructed to go through actual counseling to help me cope. Once I found Jesus though, I was able to get off the meds and I am now better but yeah it was my lowest" - Amy McElroy
You can listen to her entire testimony here: Amy's Testimony at Restoration Church
Both of these ladies who chose to share with me have been friends of mine for years... and we never once EVER talked about the fact that they battled postpartum depression. Why is that?
Could it be that, as mother's, we are expected to be completely and blissfully "happy" just because we gave birth to a tiny human? There is so much stigma around mental health, and it just gets worse for moms! Our bodies have just been ravished, we have tiny humans who literally rely on us for survival, our hormones are COMPLETELY out of whack, and we are expected to throw a smile on our possibly sleepless, overwhelmed faces and pretend that everything is perfect.
It's not that simple. It's not that easy! Sometimes our brains don't cooperate the way we want them to! I want nothing more than to love my daughter. To spend time bonding with her, making wonderful memories with her, and be perfect - but there is part of me that is absolutely terrified that I will experience the exact opposite.
My entire 38 weeks of pregnancy, I have had to monitor my blood sugar. I have had to have twice weekly monitoring starting in March to make sure that Diana is moving like she should. I have even had to see a chiropractor to keep my bones and joints in check... but never once have I been screened for postpartum depression. I wasn't even asked by anyone but my Doula - and I am convinced that the ONLY reason she thought to ask me is because we have been friends since the age of 11 - she knows my history almost better than I do.
When you hear of a friend who has just had a baby - first or the newest of many - reach out to her! When she starts to pull away and close herself off, don't let her! All too often, moms are judged for not being "perfect" but what exactly does the "Perfect mom" look like? I don't have it together, I doubt I will have it together before Diana gets here, but one thing I know for sure is that it takes a village to raise kiddos! Notice I did not say a PERFECT village!
When you see a mom struggling in silence, speak up! Offer an ear. Offer resources!! There are plenty! A simple google search can bring you to a suicide lifeline - 800-273-8255
Sometimes, all it might take is a simple "you are not ok, how can I help you" and sometimes it takes medication and therapy and other medical intervention. Love your friends, love your family! And momma's: Love yourself! You are doing the best you can, and that's perfect!
Postpartum Support International
Postpartum Health Alliance
Jenny's Light
Maternal Mental Health NOW
Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Both of these ladies who chose to share with me have been friends of mine for years... and we never once EVER talked about the fact that they battled postpartum depression. Why is that?
Could it be that, as mother's, we are expected to be completely and blissfully "happy" just because we gave birth to a tiny human? There is so much stigma around mental health, and it just gets worse for moms! Our bodies have just been ravished, we have tiny humans who literally rely on us for survival, our hormones are COMPLETELY out of whack, and we are expected to throw a smile on our possibly sleepless, overwhelmed faces and pretend that everything is perfect.
It's not that simple. It's not that easy! Sometimes our brains don't cooperate the way we want them to! I want nothing more than to love my daughter. To spend time bonding with her, making wonderful memories with her, and be perfect - but there is part of me that is absolutely terrified that I will experience the exact opposite.
My entire 38 weeks of pregnancy, I have had to monitor my blood sugar. I have had to have twice weekly monitoring starting in March to make sure that Diana is moving like she should. I have even had to see a chiropractor to keep my bones and joints in check... but never once have I been screened for postpartum depression. I wasn't even asked by anyone but my Doula - and I am convinced that the ONLY reason she thought to ask me is because we have been friends since the age of 11 - she knows my history almost better than I do.
When you hear of a friend who has just had a baby - first or the newest of many - reach out to her! When she starts to pull away and close herself off, don't let her! All too often, moms are judged for not being "perfect" but what exactly does the "Perfect mom" look like? I don't have it together, I doubt I will have it together before Diana gets here, but one thing I know for sure is that it takes a village to raise kiddos! Notice I did not say a PERFECT village!
When you see a mom struggling in silence, speak up! Offer an ear. Offer resources!! There are plenty! A simple google search can bring you to a suicide lifeline - 800-273-8255
Sometimes, all it might take is a simple "you are not ok, how can I help you" and sometimes it takes medication and therapy and other medical intervention. Love your friends, love your family! And momma's: Love yourself! You are doing the best you can, and that's perfect!
RESOURCES:
Postpartum Support International
Postpartum Health Alliance
Jenny's Light
Maternal Mental Health NOW
Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)