Today...

Ugh... I hate posting stuff like this, because I know it is only temporary and is NOT how "things" actually are... but I also want to be an open book for readers - hopefully my experience will help YOU realize that either you aren't alone.

Today is a rough day.  Today is the day that I feel like I am not doing anything right, or that I am failing at every aspect of life.  Most days I am fine!  Most days I feel like I am nailing this mother/wife/daughter thing!  Today is not that day...

Today, I woke up from a horrible night sleep.  My anxiety manifests itself in the form of bad dreams.  Dreams that spark sleep walking/talking/running/screaming.  I woke up a couple of times running to Diana's room to check on her - to see if she was still breathing 1 time, to see if she was still there another time...  When I wasn't waking up to check on her in her room, I was waking up sitting in my bed "looking for her" knowing clear well that she was in her bed fast asleep.

Today, I feel overly anxious and worried for absolutely no reason.  Worried that Aunt TeeTee, who sat with Diana while my mom went to the doctor, is upset that Diana spit up all over her (she isn't, she told me so) Worried that my mom really doesn't want to babysit, when I know full well that is NOT true (she tells me every day that she loves watching her while I am at work) The list goes on and on... because 1 thought sparks another, which sparks another... which spirals out of control, and then I spend the morning in tears because I am just going crazy!

If you see a momma today, tell her she is doing a great job - even if she has a smile on her face.  My smile hides a whole lot sometimes...  If you see a momma without a smile, give her a hug... she might need it more than you know.

Let me wrap up with this - I am perfectly fine.  I am not going to hurt myself or anyone else around me.  I might ugly cry a few times today, but that's about it.  It's just a really bad day today.

Tired Much??

Many of you know, but just in case you don't... I used to be a sleep walker and talker.  To the tune of night terrors and waking up in random places all over the house.  My poor husband would usually wake up in time to keep me from getting too far out of bed, but sometimes not.

While I was pregnant, I not only stopped sleep walking and talking, I ALSO stopped having such horrible night terrors!  I actually got decent sleep while pregnant, which is not apparently a norm...

Until this morning...

Brandon worked last night, and got home around 2:30 this morning.  I had finally fallen asleep around 1, but something caused me to stir... I thought I heard voices through the baby monitor.  What I was seeing and hearing was a house full of family, mainly Brandon's grandparents in Diana's room with her.  For some reason, I felt the urge to get up, get dressed and see what was happening - logically I KNEW no one should have been in her room... she was sleeping!!  But in dreamland, the great-grandparents were in her room trying to wake her up...

In reality AND my dream, I was getting out of my bed, but thought it would be inappropriate to go in there in my jammies - for the record, I sleep in pajama pants and a t-shirt... nothing inappropriate about that, but I thought it was at 2:30 this morning... So, as I am changing my pajama pants for a different pair (keep in mind, this is all while sleeping...) down the hall comes the husband...

I screamed because now there was someone in the hall way... which caused me to wake up... which also caused me to scream because now there REALLY was someone in the hall way... which caused him to yell because I startled him and he didn't understand why 1 - I was awake and 2 - why was I screaming??!!

When I finally gained full consciousness, we had a good laugh and then went and stared at our baby girl who was still sound asleep in her crib.

I am not a tired mom because ole girl won't sleep... I am a tired mom because my brain won't shut off long enough to let me sleep!!

Have a restful weekend, y'all!!