Today...

Ugh... I hate posting stuff like this, because I know it is only temporary and is NOT how "things" actually are... but I also want to be an open book for readers - hopefully my experience will help YOU realize that either you aren't alone.

Today is a rough day.  Today is the day that I feel like I am not doing anything right, or that I am failing at every aspect of life.  Most days I am fine!  Most days I feel like I am nailing this mother/wife/daughter thing!  Today is not that day...

Today, I woke up from a horrible night sleep.  My anxiety manifests itself in the form of bad dreams.  Dreams that spark sleep walking/talking/running/screaming.  I woke up a couple of times running to Diana's room to check on her - to see if she was still breathing 1 time, to see if she was still there another time...  When I wasn't waking up to check on her in her room, I was waking up sitting in my bed "looking for her" knowing clear well that she was in her bed fast asleep.

Today, I feel overly anxious and worried for absolutely no reason.  Worried that Aunt TeeTee, who sat with Diana while my mom went to the doctor, is upset that Diana spit up all over her (she isn't, she told me so) Worried that my mom really doesn't want to babysit, when I know full well that is NOT true (she tells me every day that she loves watching her while I am at work) The list goes on and on... because 1 thought sparks another, which sparks another... which spirals out of control, and then I spend the morning in tears because I am just going crazy!

If you see a momma today, tell her she is doing a great job - even if she has a smile on her face.  My smile hides a whole lot sometimes...  If you see a momma without a smile, give her a hug... she might need it more than you know.

Let me wrap up with this - I am perfectly fine.  I am not going to hurt myself or anyone else around me.  I might ugly cry a few times today, but that's about it.  It's just a really bad day today.