Psalm 139:16

My desk calendar has scripture on it for each day, today's is as follows:

You say me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe - Psalm 139:16

When I read that this morning, it really struck me... He numbers our every step, He holds our every moment, and even knows the number of hairs on our head!

I have not enjoyed being pregnant - I have made no qualms about it.  I have been uncomfortable, I have felt sick, and my anxiety has been through the roof!  One thing I can certainly promise you though, is this.  I enjoy the miracle that I have been given.  I don't take this lightly. 

I know without a doubt that my life has always had purpose.  Either on the foreign mission field, or right here at home - growing our very own earth shaker!  We named her Diana, specifically because the name means Heavenly and Divine.  She is our gift from Heaven.  I know she is destined for GREAT things! 

He saw me before I was born... Before I took my first breath in a sinful world, He knew exactly who I was going to be and how I would turn out.  Even when I spent years running from Him, He knew exactly where I would turn back to Him. 

When it comes to being a mom... I have reservations.  Mainly because I am not sure I can handle the job.  However, I know I have a wonderful support system around me to make sure that if I stumble, I won't fall flat on my face.  I also know that mothering isn't perfect or easy for anyone.  There will be an adjustment period.  I will have to get used to being someone's life support.  I will have to get used to another human being in the house, when I am used to being alone. 

What I am VERY confident in is knowing that she is made for something more!  No matter what it is, she was made for it!  She may end up on the mission field, she may become a doctor or lawyer.  Shoot, she could become the worlds greatest auto mechanic!  Either way, she is destined for greatness!  She already has her very own fan club, who is almost beside themselves with anticipation to meet her! 

One thing I know beyond the shadow of doubt is that I will be her biggest fan, her biggest supporter, and will love her regardless.  I won't lie, I will be a little bummed if she doesn't share the passion for music that I have... But I already know that she is loved beyond measure.  She has a huge fan club waiting for her, and I am getting more and more excited to meet her every day!

That moment when you realize that YOU have been CHOSEN!!

You have been chosen by God who has given you this new kind of life.  Colossians 3:12

This scripture scrolled across my desk calendar yesterday, and it’s been on my mind ever since.  When I look at the whole chapter, and where this verse is referenced, I understand “new kind of life” to mean my life in Christ – being saved, taking Christ as my Savior.

However, thinking of it in terms of what is about to happen to our family – the birth of our first miracle – I can’t help but believe this came across to me yesterday to reinforce that I have been handpicked to be Diana’s mom. 

We started arranging her room, putting away clothes and diapers, and getting ready for her arrival – I find myself staring in her room in awe!  This tiny human, who isn’t even earth side yet is so loved beyond measure!  She has a purpose!  She has been set apart, and I KNOW that her life will have meaning and she will do great things!

I don’t have a clue what is in store for her, but I know it involves greatness!  I HAVE to believe that after being told time and time again that she would never exist, and BOOM here she is… there HAS to be something more to her life.

At the baby shower, I got to speak to everyone and thank everyone for coming.  I tried to keep my comments brief and light hearted – mainly because I am an emotional wreck… I could have bawled my eyes out just because everyone in the room was there to celebrate with me.  And while I do use humor to keep things light, I take my job as “mom” very seriously.  Probably more serious than most things in life. 

Brandon and I have been given this life to bring up in the ways of the Lord.  We have been entrusted by God to ensure that she is taken care of in every way, loved, and grows into her calling in Christ – whatever that may be!  A missionary, a preacher, a teacher, a worship leader, or just a simple die hard prayer warrior – she would come by ALL of those things honestly… she comes from a long line of nearly all of those.

I have already noticed a change in my husband – especially lately.  He has started to become more protective than he already was – worrying about the safety and security of our home while he is away at work.  He has started to think about what kind of dad he wants to be.  AND not to mention all of the things he has taken up since I pretty much come home and crash (growing a human is exhausting work!!)  To say that I have been blessed with the absolute best is a complete understatement!!

I have started to think about all the things I want to teach her – body positivity, loving the least of them, being kind to everyone, guarding her heart, and all the different things that I think are important.  I want her to grow up strong – strong in her faith, strong in her confidence, and somewhat strong willed to know exactly what she wants and will not tolerate!

We – all 3 of us, Brandon, Diana, and myself – have been chosen by God!  We have been chosen to do His perfect will, whatever that may be!  We have been given this new kind of life – parents!  We have been given this new kind of life – DIANA!!

We don’t take this lightly, even if we do make jokes about letting the dog lick her clean instead of a bath.

Trials of Soon to be Motherhood!!

I read this article, and I have to share it with you all!

http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/210171/what-pregnancy-feels-like

After reading and laughing my way through this, I had a split second in which I felt guilty.  I felt guilty because we tried for so long to get pregnant, I should be enjoying it, right?

Well – confession time… I have not enjoyed being pregnant.  There are moments of joy!  Like feeling her move, watching my husband’s face when he felt her move for the first time, or that moment of pure happiness when we see her during the ultrasounds!  But pregnancy is kind of dumb…

Let me break it down for you – in my own experience. 

First trimester – I basically spent the whole 3 months either puking or feeling like I was going to puke.  Nothing tasted good, nothing sounded good because of the nausea, and I just felt “weird”

Second trimester – started out decent, since the nausea started to ease up.  Then my back started to hurt, to the point where I now have to see my chiropractor twice a week just to maintain an upright position…  It’s getting better, I don’t cry out in pain during adjustments anymore… but getting started was rough.  Then, I started to feel her tap dance on my bladder… 

Third trimester – only a couple days in, so I really have no comment on this one yet.  Other than Little Miss Stretch-It-Out has started the wonderful feeling of putting her tiny feet on my ribs and then pushing as hard as she can – apparently she will continue to do this until she gets here.

Throughout this whole experience, I have had major anxiety – over small things that can easily be controlled (how am I going to keep up with laundry, if bending over makes me want to puke?) to things largely out of my control – (dear Lord, please don’t let me poop during delivery, with a room full of people… although I am hearing that it happens to everyone and I won’t care at the time) 

My husband and our moms have really been heaven sent through all of this.  Between my husband picking up my slack without complaint, to his mom reassuring me that it will all be just fine, and my mom laughing with me at the silly “mom truth videos” that we find on Facebook (and reassuring me that she will be right by my side the whole time) my pregnancy really is a piece of cake!

I am trying to count it ALL joy – since we prayed, and cried, and tried for so long to get to this point.  I have absolute ZERO regrets about her.  And even though there are groups on Facebook who try to make parents seem selfish, or turn pregnancy and motherhood into a “Mom of the Year Contest” (how horrible are people, anyway?) I wouldn’t trade one thing for this!  I am thankful that I get to experience this at all – puke, poop fears, and anxiety included! 

I recognize that not everyone gets this opportunity.  I thought I was one of those people.  But seriously, pregnancy has not been fun… 

Holiday Traditions

Christmas is just around the corner - 10 DAYS LEFT!!!!

This year, we are looking on the holiday season as a bittersweet time.  We LOVE our traditions that we do together, and we know that next year some of them will change due to Little Miss being with us.  PLEASE don't misunderstand!!! We are beyond excited that Baby Loness is finally making her appearance - especially considering we were under the impression that she would never happen... But we have also thoroughly enjoyed our time together, just us.

Christmas time starts for us at Thanksgiving - we alternate between eating dinner with my family or his family, and then eating dessert with the opposite.  At his family dinner, during dessert the ladies of the family congregate in Aunt Betty's sun room with maybe 3 newspapers - we pass the ads around the table and everyone plans their Black Friday Shopping.  The guys congregate around the tv for football and usually naps... It has become one of my absolute FAVORITE traditions of the day.  So much so, that this year we introduced it to my family!!  At first, everyone was like "Um... ok?" and then the ads came out and everyone was on board. 

After we have eaten too much, we head to Walmart with both sets of our parents and take our time through the Black Friday on Thursday madness.  Walmart has it figured out man!  It's always organized chaos, and we have never had a bad experience!

Friday we set up our Christmas tree and other decorations.  It always makes me a nervous wreck because the house is basically destroyed until we finish.  Brandon gets everything down from the attic, and while he sets up the actual tree and some of the decorations, I make dinner.  The dinner has been the same for the last few years - Thanksgiving Roll Ups  We look forward to it every year!!

Our Christmas tree is the same tree Brandon's parents bought the year he was born!  When they replaced their tree, they handed it to him.  Last year was the only year it hadn't been used because we had the bright idea of getting a real tree... Our dog, Lucy, didn't bother it or try to drink from it or anything, but we are still finding needles in the carpet... The house smelled great, but dear Lord what a MESS!!

Saturday is spent either shopping, or this year - NAPPING!!  Sunday is pretty much the same, but with some football thrown in for good measure.

Christmas Eve starts the gift giving madness!  We spend the evening with his parents, eating dinner and exchanging presents.  It's always a wonderful and CRAZY time! :)  His sister and I have a tendency to prank each other by wrapping something literally 100 times, though this year she gets a reprieve from it because I am too exhausted to do that much wrapping...

Christmas morning starts at like 6am, because I am worse than a little kid!  I know what I got him for Christmas and I can't wait for him to open his stuff! After we do our required "first thing in the morning Christmas picture" and open our gifts, we go back to bed for a little while most of the time.  Then it's off to my parents house!  My God Parents, my cousins, and sometimes my grandparents fill the house and the madness begins!  After presents, we usually eat a dinner that has WAY TOO MUCH FOOD!! This year, we are planning to reign it in a bit and try a brunch style menu.  After the craziness with my parents, we go to his family gathering.  We do a white elephant gift exchange and the most hilarious gifts show up!

Now, neither of my parents families get together for Christmas anymore.  Mom's side never really did that I recall, and Dad's side hasn't since my grandparents passed away.  Brandon's Mom's side still gets together - which is nice because we are super close (same peeps we see at Thanksgiving!) and his Dad's side gets together at a restaurant at some point too. 

Once we get home, we are absolutely wiped out... but it is so much fun!  We have a blast and look forward to the madness all year long!

We finish up the holiday season on New Years.  Since we go all over the place for Thanksgiving and Christmas, we decided to spend NYE at home together - just us.  We order a crave case of various White Castles and sit at home watching movies.  Sometimes we go to sleep before the ball even drops... yep, we have a tendency to party hard.

Next year, this all might change for us having a baby to bring around.  I am super excited though to see how much more fun the holidays will be with her!!

What do you do for your holiday traditions??