To start at the beginning, I started medication about 2 weeks ago... If you want to read about it, click here.
After a brief discussion with my doctor, she decided to start me on 10mgs of Celexa, and so far I have noticed a tremendous difference! I feel like myself, which I hadn't for a long time.
The few people I have talked to about it have all asked me the same question - "Why didn't you say anything?" Well, the answer is very simple, yet completely difficult. Especially if you have ever dealt with anxiety.
I didn't say anything to anyone, because my anxiety ridden mind was telling me that "everything was fine" or "No one will believe me, since I have talked about it so much" and "I don't want to burden anyone with it" when all of these things were absolutely not true.
Everything was NOT fine - I was hardly sleeping for a couple reasons. First, we all know how hard it was for us to get pregnant, so now I am scared to death that something horrible is going to happen - but it has gotten much better for me in just the 2 short weeks of being on medication. I would lay in bed waiting for her Snuza to go off.
SHAMELESS PLUG!! There is still time to enter the contest here
Second, Brandon works midnight's... so I would lay in bed and wait for someone to try and break in to our house. Now, our neighborhood, for the most part, is quiet. Aside from a few minor incidents, nothing happens around us... but when my mind spirals out of control, this is one of my fears - Someone will break in and will either take Diana (apparently abduction attempts have been happening in our area too) or I won't be able to get to her to keep her safe from someone
The few people I have shared with have believed me, and in fact mentioned that they thought something was off but didn't know how to approach me without upsetting me. Seriously - from someone who is getting help - say something! If you notice a new mom struggling, say something. Especially if they have already made mention that PPD of any kind could potentially spring up. Even if they get mad at you - say something! It could save a life!!
The last thing I have been to anyone is a burden. My mom LOVES keeping Diana during the week, Brandon loves both of us tremendously (yes, I thought otherwise... anxiety sucks!!) and everyone I have confided in has been amazingly supportive.
I bring all of this up because I know there are other new mommy's out there that DON'T speak up. For a number of reasons. Each story is different, but the answer is still the same - GET HELP, SPEAK UP, AND SPEAK OUT! Share your story!
Parenting is hard, no matter the stage. My anxiety didn't show up until after I came back to work. It's a hard subject, but the consequences of not speaking up are devastating. We need to be there for each other, not trying to tear each other apart. Please PLEASE! Don't let this go.
If you need help, here are some resources. Talk to your doctor. Reach out to me! While I am no professional, I am certainly a good listener!
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