I Promise

Last night on Biggest Loser, they had the contestants do their first initial weigh-in in front of everyone they knew.  None of them burst into tears until they were on the scale and their weight came up on the screen.  I would have been in tears before I even stepped on the scale.  I almost was by just thinking about how I would react if that were me.

I honestly hadn't been on a scale in years until I bought one last summer, which sat on my floor collecting dust.  But I didn't need a scale to tell me I was a fat kid.  I knew it.  I have known since I was in high school, where my favorite saying was "hey, fat kids like food!"

I have always tried to make light, no pun intended, of the situation.  I would call myself a fat kid before anyone else could.  I have found that if you joke about you before someone can make fun of yourself before anyone else can, they usually won't.  At least not to your face.  I was always the heavy person in the group, which was fine, because, again, I made jokes about it.  Sometimes I would get uncomfortable about it, but I always figured my friends loved me for who I was, weight and all.

But honestly, if I had to wear compression pants (at least that's what they look like on TV) and a sports bra and stand in front of my entire family and all of my friends, I would be a blubbering idiot before I got on the scale.  I have no one to blame for my weight; no one but myself.  My family never force fed me, and it't not their fault I didn't try to make a change sooner either.  How can the skinny friend say to the fat friend "stop eating you damn pig"?  It would ruin the friendship, even with the best intentions.

And what would I say?  (each person said something after the weight came up) Would I apologize for letting everyone down?  I doubt it, I haven't let anyone down.  There were no standards to live up to; other than being myself.  Would I apologize for letting myself get this way?  Don't know.  I am not sorry for anything I have done to get this fat.  I enjoyed the family get togethers with all of the food, I enjoyed sitting around and drinking beer all day sitting on the boat rather than swimming in the lake, and I enjoyed the company that came with those things.

I hope that I would say that I promise to change.  Not for them, but for myself.  I know being 245 pounds is for from healthy.  I know that the weight could kill me, and I don't want to put my family and friends through losing someone else way before they are supposed to.  I would ask that they support me, help me, and encourage me.  I would tell them not to blame themselves, they did nothing wrong.  It's no one's fault that I enjoy food.  I would remind them that it's not going to be easy for me, that I might want to give up, and that it might get tough- mentally and emotionally. 

So, here it goes:  I promise to start living up to my potential, to start living a lifestyle that is not going to hurt me or anyone else anymore, and to put my all into getting heathly.  I promise to become a better friend, and family member by losing the weight and leading a healthy lifestyle.  It's not going to be easy, I know this.  But with your support, my life will change; maybe yours will to.

What would you say to everyone?